Review: "G.I. Joe: Retaliation"

After nearly all the G.I. Joe forces are wiped out in a sneak attack, three soldiers -- Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Lady Jaye (Adrienne Palicki), and Flint (D.J. Cotrona) -- must regroup with Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and recruit the assistance of General Joe Colton (Bruce Willis) in order to defeat C.O.B.R.A.

Directed by John M. Chu (Step-Up 2 & 3), I'd say that Retaliation is an average movie with an above-average sense of fun. Although Bruce Willis' involvement amounts to little more than an extended cameo, Johnson and Palicki both have ample screen presence to lead this film, and Chu never misses an opportunity to play to their strengths.

Review: "Parker"

Jason Statham plays a career criminal who is out for revenge after being double crossed and left for dead in Parker. The film is based on the book, Flashfire, by Donald E. Westlake, aka Richard Stark, and if that name sounds familiar, it's probably because Point Blank (1967 Lee Marvin), The Outfit (1973 Robert Duvall), and Payback (1999 Mel Gibson) were also based on his work.

In a job set up by his trusted friend and mentor, Hurley (Nick Nolte), Parker joins a group of thieves that are going to boost the take at the Ohio State Fair. The job goes relatively smooth, thanks to Parker's cool head, but when he refuses to give up his share as front money for another job, the others turn on him. With the exception of a needless flashback right in the middle of an otherwise tense scene, the setup works well enough, and there's a rare moment during the heist, when Parker calms a security officer down, that reminds us that Statham can do more than punch people.

Review: "A Good Day to Die Hard"

Unfortunately, the poster is cooler than the movie.

In the original Die Hard, John McClane (Bruce Willis) walks on some broken glass and limps the rest of the film, visibly in pain. That McClane was tough, but human.

Fast forward 25 years to director John Moore's ( Max Payne) A Good Day to Die Hard -- now the fifth movie in the franchise -- and McClane is punched, kicked, jumps out of a moving car, free falls about twenty stories (twice!), is thrown fifty feet from a helicopter -- you see where I'm going here, right? -- and never gets more than a scratch. Seemingly, Moore and the film's writer, Skip Woods (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), have confused the character of John McClane with the one Willis played in Unbreakable. He is now "super fuzz."

The story begins in Russia, where McClane travels to help out his estranged son, Jack (Jai Courtney), who has been arrested for murder. Little does he know, that Jack is actually a CIA agent sent in to help a Russian dissident named Komarov (Sebastian Koch), escape with files that implicate that country's defense minister, Chagarin (Sergey Kolesnikov).

Of course, things are moving along according to plan until John shows up and blows the operation, exposing them all to attacks from Chagarin's men, led by Alik (Radivoje Bukvic) and Irina (Yuliya Snigir). Once John is brought up to speed, father and son will need to work together in order to accomplish the mission, one that ultimately takes them to Chernobyl to stop some bad guys from stealing weapons-grade plutonium.

There is plenty of action, including an extended car chase sequence through the streets of Moscow, but most of the big action scenes are too over-the-top to get your heart racing and not impressive enough to be memorable. Unfortunately, the lackluster action is the highlight of the film. When things are not moving fast, you will be subjected to young McClane's constant fussing about John's poor parenting skills, while John frequently repeats "I'm on vacation!" in Clerks-esque fashion. No kidding, it sounds as bad out loud as it did when you read it just then.

I don't know what I expect from a Die Hard movie anymore. In fact, I'm not sure anyone -- including Bruce Willis, the filmmakers, and the studio -- know what they want from a Die Hard movie either. The series has been steered so far off course, both in concept and in character that this feels like a completely different beast all together -- Die Hard in name only.

Review: "The Last Stand"

After a decade-long hiatus while serving as the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger has returned with The Last Stand, his first starring role since Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines in 2003.

The film opens with the daring escape of a notorious cartel boss from FBI custody during -- you guessed it -- a prison transfer. Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) is public enemy number one, and he is sprung with an elaborate, well-planned scheme involving a large crane, some heavy firepower, and a series of doubles meant to confuse all his pursuers, led by Agent John Bannister (Forest Whitaker). It's a pretty good scene from director Kim Jee-woon, the respected Asian director of such hits as A Tale of Two Sisters and I Saw the Devil, who stages the action with confidence.

Cortez speeds away in a 200-mph Corvette ZR-1 concept car -- in the most shameless use of product placement by an auto company since Transformers -- busting through every checkpoint and roadblock along the way. Even more shameless is how Cortez's beautiful hostage (Genesis Rodriguez) becomes turned on by the fast action and reckless driving. I am suddenly struck by an immediate desire to go out and buy a Corvette.

Meanwhile, a team of mercenaries (including Peter Stormare) are busy invading the Arizona border town of Sommerton Junction in order to build a bridge over a ravine between the U.S. and Mexico for Cortez's escape. Enter Schwarzenegger, the small town sheriff with big city experience, who will be the only thing standing between Cortez and Mexican freedom.

Arnold stars as Ray Owens, a former narcotics officer who left the LAPD after a bust went sour. When strangers show up in town, Sheriff Ray's spider sense starts tingling, and after a local farmer gets murdered, he's alerted by Agent Bannister about Cortez. Naturally, he knows the two incidents are connected. Together with his ragtag group of deputies (Luis Guzman, Jamie Alexander, and Zach Gilford), a troubled war vet (Rodrigo Santoro), and the crazy owner of the local gun museum (Johnny Knoxville), they prepare for battle. From this point on, the bullets fly.

Good thing the whole town left that morning to travel with the team to the big game, right?

The screenplay, credited to Andrew Knauer (unsurprisingly, no major credits), is full of convenience and cliche, seemingly put together in a hurry to give us only the most basic illusion of drama. If you're into that sort of thing -- drama that is -- you might be distracted by the lack of it.

Does the action make up for it? Maybe. This is a fun, turn-your-brain-off-type of movie that exists just to reunite Arnold with his fans. He's not the hulking monster of a man that he once was, but he can still deliver a line and fire a gun. He seems to be embracing his age, and the film plays that up for an effective laugh or two. Only time will tell if the wiser, world weary version of the Austrian Oak can compete with his younger self, but if he picks his projects right, he really shouldn't need to.

"Setting the Frame" Film Grade = C